What does being married mean?
This weird time we’re in has me thinking about what it all means, this being married business?
My Wedding
On the 1 September, I will celebrate my 9th wedding anniversary with my husband Ian.
Together we will wrangle our small human, eat too much pastry and down a bottle of special wine we’ve been saving.
We got hitched at a beautiful stone church in Milton on the South Coast of NSW. We had a fairly intimate ceremony, and a bush reception.
Swamped with so much planning…
- the choice of colour palettes
- finding THE dress
- working out where people could park their camper trailers
- making lists of the must have photos for my brother, our photographer
- worrying about whether it would be frowned upon to not invite the cousins...
I hadn’t actually given much thought to our wedding ceremony. I only really knew that I didn’t want it to be too steeped in the patriarchy or any particular religion and that it would be done with the person I loved - before we’d been together for 10 years!
Amidst the hustle and bustle of wedding planning, what being married means to you, can fall by the wayside. Or maybe you haven’t really stopped to think about it?
Long after the colour scheme has been forgotten, the invites have been recycled and you’ve ‘grown out’ of your wedding finery - you will be married.
You will have your favourite person by your side, through whatever may come next - bushfire, flood or pandemic.
Whether you are planning a little elopement or a massive love fest, why you are getting married should be at the heart of your celebration.
What Getting Married Meant to Us
What did being married, really mean to me? To us?
Ian and I came up with this…
That on our wedding day, we would set the intention for our married life.
It was that we had been friends first and would bring the support and space of friendship together with the loving support of marriage.
We would make room for our growth as separate humans. As a couple, and as the members of a wider family and community – both born and chosen.
When you get married, you are standing before one another, full of hope for the future.
That you promise to be there. And that you might not always understand, but that you will try.
With nine years behind us, I know that being married to Ian is so much bigger than our wedding day.
Don’t get me wrong, we loved our wedding hard - it was truly awesome, but we know each other now better than ever before.
For us, being married is a promise to try your very best, every single day. To notice when your partner is not doing well, maybe before they even recognise it themselves.
For us, it is sharing the parenting of our beautiful boy. Admitting to each other that neither of us really knows what we are doing, and working together despite that, to raise him to be the best person he can be. A combination of the best of each of us, with his own unique quirky self.
Getting Married in a Pandemic
With all the restrictions changing from day to day I hope that you get the wedding you have planned and looked forward to.
But know that even if things look a little different, at the end of the day there is no restriction on the most important thing about a wedding – the way you care for each other, your dreams together and the legal commitment you’re making.
See if you can view this quieter time, before the crazy awesome wedding storm as an opportunity.
Grab that bottle of vino that you’ve been saving for a special occasion. Crack it open, put the planning details aside, and talk together about what you hope for your future together. What being married means for just you two.
Take some notes and send them to me. Tell me all about it.
Whatever the size, let’s make it a celebration of your love. A snapshot of your happiness today and a wish for your future together. A space where you set a meaningful and mindful intention for your married life.
Personal, unique and just for you.
Something you can treasure and look back on with a smile while you’re eating pie and drinking wine together in 9 years’ time.
